I often write that friends shouldn’t tell cancer patients to “be positive.” It gives the patient one more thing to worry about. “I guess bad things will happen if I’m not positive enough.” Besides, no one in recorded history has become positive because someone told them to be positive.
But it’s important to understand that the opposite of being positive is not being negative.
Instead, it’s being present and being able to experience what is truly happening.
If you’ve been diagnosed with cancer, you’ll have periods of fear, uncertainty, anxiety, depression, relief, gratitude, and peace. Pretty much every emotion of life will enter your consciousness, sometimes all at once.
A friend told me that experiencing all of these emotions makes her feel very much alive. When people tell her to be positive, she wants to shake them and say, “I’d rather co-exist peacefully with my reality.”
She makes a good point. When friends tell you to be positive, they often do so because it makes them feel better.
Her best friends let her experience what she’s truly experiencing without the need to put on a happy face.
I should point out that I’m not at all opposed to positive thinking. I think of myself as a positive person and, if I have a recurrence of cancer, I’m sure that I’ll approach it with a positive mindset.
But I also hope to face it with openness and honesty. Challenges often provide us with the most meaningful moments of our lives.
Reprinted with permission of the Ithaca Journal.
Original publication date: August 6, 2016
Bob Riter is the Executive Director of the Cancer Resource Center of the Finger Lakes. He can be reached at [email protected]